Have you ever spent time with someone, had a lot of fun, maybe even found them wildly attractive, but you said to yourself that it wasn’t the right time for you to get together? Maybe he lives in another city, he works too much (or you do) or for whatever reason you don’t think it’ll work out and you just tell yourself that you have to understand that it can’t happen now.

A lot of us have been there, with almost everything falling into place and then you hit some kind of roadblock. What now? Maybe you have a dramatic breakup where you tell him you can never be together. Or maybe you take a deep breath and think things through first.

Let’s look at a scenario where there are a lot of issues to work out. He’s very successful in his career and even though he really loves you, wants to marry you and have a family, but his work has to be a priority right now. He has to go to Portugal for five months and as much as you beg and tell him that you can’t live without him for so long, he has to go. He tells you that after this trip, he’ll have a lot more time to spend with you and he’ll be with you for keeps.

Right at the same time, you have an existential crisis and you’re asking yourself if you’re doing the right thing with your life. Work is going well, your group of friends is as close as ever, but your life seems a little routine. You’d like to, well, live a little and is settling down the right move? So you say, OK perfect boyfriend, I’ll see you in a few months!

This is kind of an extreme example, but this what I mean by “saving him for later.” There are a lot of different ways that this can happen, but basically, you meet the right person and things are going well, then you have to be apart for a while. You feel that the two of you will be able to pick up where you left off and when people ask about your relationship, you say that you’re saving him for later (though maybe not in so many words).

This tactic lets you do all of the things you’ve wanted to do, but thought you had plenty of time because you didn’t think you’d meet the perfect guy right now. You’re worried that you may not have a chance again, so now is the time. Once you do these things and you get back into dating, when you think of that person you’re saving, just how much later is “later?”

Time drags on and you start to feel the loneliness setting in. You start to think of all of the great things about this guy that made you want to be with him and made him work saving for later. When you’re feeling like this, you’ve answered your own question. Later is right now, so stop saving and go get him while you still can!