Many women spend a lot of time and money on their looks, thinking that attracting the guys they’re interested in is all about appearances. While it’s true that men are visually oriented, but unless there’s also some substance to go with those looks, you might find yourself less popular with men than you’d like.

It’s not just having a pretty face, a great haircut or the right clothes that make you the woman he wants to call, it’s about how you make him feel. Skeptical? Look around you and you’ll see plenty of average looking women with attractive guys.

There are plenty of women who you’d probably even consider homely whose dance cards are constantly full and often, it doesn’t have much to do with sex. These women are in constant demand for other reasons and here’s how you can join them at the top of every man’s contact list:

1) Be pleasant to be around, not just eye candy.

2) Don’t spend all your time complaining about your problems or talking only about yourself.

3) Have a variety of talents and interests. Can you thoroughly discuss world politics? Dance? Speak a foreign language? Know baseball inside and out? If so, you have an advantage over many other women.

4) Don’t feel like you need to tell men all of your deep dark secrets. They may not care at all and almost certainly don’t want to know about them right off the bat.

5) Have a sense of humor about things, including yourself. It helps keep the mood light.

6) Remember that listening is half of being a good conversationalist. Listen as much as you talk and ask open-ended questions to show the person you’re talking to that you’re interested.

7) Show off your figure, but not too much. Let people see you, but leave something to the imagination.

8) Read regularly. This doesn’t mean that you have to dive headfirst into Russian literature, but being well read gives you a wide variety of subjects to talk about.

9) Show him your intelligence. It’s simply not true that men aren’t into smart women. A quality man will appreciate and be intrigued by your mind.

10) Be yourself. If he’s not interested in the real you, then it’s not meant to be!

11) Be sensitive, but also sensuous. It’s an irresistible combination.

12) Don’t overshare. No one wants to know your entire life story right away. Reveal a little at a time as you get to know each other better.

13) Be gracious. If he makes a small mistake, don’t go ballistic about it; treat others the way you’d like to be treated.

14) Let him know he matters to you. Whether you show him through words, a sexy text message or a small gift, let him know you’re thinking of him.

15) Pamper him when he’s earned it.

16) Be a team player. Sometimes he’ll want to do something you’re not crazy about – be a good sport, you might have a better time than you think. Hopefully, he’s willing to do the same for you.

17) Try to cook for him. Even if you’re not the world’s greatest chef, serving someone a home cooked meal makes them feel special.

18) Don’t be afraid to let him pursue you. We’ve made a lot of progress as a society, but there are still a lot of men who enjoy the thrill of the chase.

19) Try to do something for him that no one else does. This could be reading poetry to him, bringing him flowers sometime – give him a pleasant surprise and he’ll definitely remember you.

20) Have your own money (it’s fine for him to pay for things, but not all the time) and your own opinions.

Try to follow these tips and you’ll be the one who stays at the top of his phone’s contacts list.